(no subject)

[withamagicword]

After this:

Billy waits until clothes are delivered to the cell and then footsteps fade. He dresses and then walks to the cot and lays down. He turns towards the wall and carefully, deliberately, gags himself with some of the cloth from the pillow, making sure not a sound can be heard.

Then, and only then, he screams.

He screams for as long as his lungs will let him, then he takes a breath and screams again, even as horror rises up, choking him like bile.

He hurt Stephanie.

He hurt Zuko.

He hurt them and he couldn't stop it, couldn't control it, couldn't keep it from happening, No matter who had made it happen, no matter why it had happened, it was his power that had fed the Hate and the Rage... his power that had made it possible.

He couldn't remember any of it. Not from the moment he lost himself while talking to who he now believed was Blodwen Rowlands... he couldn't remember anything. But that didn't change what was true, what was real. He had almost killed the woman he loved and another man.

Billy screams and screams and screams, pounding fists into the cot. He isn't sure how long he does it, only that consciousness eventually slips from him, and his last memory is screaming.

Comments

[futures_of_ash]

She'd been on the lake.

That's where she always is when she's healing...so of course, she didn't get a note, no, she heard the screaming and Mel let her in again.

After all, she'd been listening for it.

Baby was kind enough to let her in, and she doesn't hesitate a moment in reaching out to stroke Billy's hair gently as the walls went solid once more.

She has no right to be here.

But she needs to be.

[withamagicword]

Maybe he hears her, maybe he feels her, whatever the reason, his head turns and he sees her and he spins out of bed, crawling, moving to the cell wall and spreading his hands against it, shivering.

"What have I done?"

The voice is broken and shivering with pain.

[futures_of_ash]

She let her hand drop away as he ran, folding it back against her ribs in some strange hug. She looked like glass, Rachel did, with a candle shining behind the skin.

"Wasn't you"

[withamagicword]

Her condition, her face... he looks at her and it penetrates.

"What happened? What's wrong Rachel?"

[futures_of_ash]

"You didn't have that in you Billy, very few do. There was a taint...something I'd tasted elsewhere." she sighed, fingers flickering outward now, that pearlescent shimmer in her skin flickering into star's heart white along her skin.

"It was dark. And damaging"

[withamagicword]

He presses against the cellwall.

"Did healing me, helping me, do this to you?"

He shudders and his sleaves fall back, showing the lightning shaped scars on his arms.

"I'm sorry, Rachel. I would never... are you going to be okay?"

Concern for her shoves forward and he forces himself to talk. His voice is raspy and quiet, the result of screaming. He forces himself to concentrate, to think past the chaos in his mind.

[futures_of_ash]

"No"

Healing doesn't damage people.

She's lying, but it's what one does to protect their little brothers.

"Been a rough week...when I said I tasted a taint elsewhere...it was in Ari..."

She drew a deep, ragged breath, her lungs sound and well, but her emotions making the air brittle as glass shards. "And I can't even track it down and do something useful"

[withamagicword]

He sags a little, just holding on against the wall.

"I wish You could come in here. I could definitely use a hug right now."

He shivers and slips to sitting.

"Even if it wasnt me, I... I cant believe that it was able to use me so easily, so quickly. I didnt have any resistance at all. And the scary thing is I am not sure I would right now, again."

He shivers, feeling bare and frightened.

"And that is... even more horrifying."

[futures_of_ash]

"We all lose some battles, Billy. Lose then badly, external and internal. You're lucky you didn't learn to love the taste of fear or to enjoy the sight of blood." she had, once, long ago. And even now...sometimes...she thought she might again.

With luck though, that taste for blood had been drowned in her own.

"And it was powerful. Worse, it was fed into your own powers...and lets face it, for both of us, our powers are a bit stronger than our bodies can ever be"

She may not be able to hug him, but she can stroke the barrier gently. Not as good, no, but it sends an echo along his skin.

[withamagicword]

He nods and places a hand along that barrier.

"Thank you. I just wish... I may sound okay, but I dont feel like it, not inside. I feel... broken."

His voice is stilted, but his mind is open, completely unshielded.

"I dont know what I will do next... after they eventually release me."

[futures_of_ash]

"There are cracks" she agreed. "Deep and echoing...but you're not shattered"

She stopped that at least.

At what cost?

Trust. Honor. Integrity.

"You don't have to do anything but heal. That you have to do."

[withamagicword]

He reaches out against the wall, hand and head pressed against it as he watches her.

"Thanks to you. You keep bailing me out. One of these days, maybe I can actually stop getting hurt."

His voice is slightly self mocking as he says it.

"Healing... I may need to leave her there... I dont think there will be much peace for me here."

[futures_of_ash]

Thief. Liar.

"We all bail each other out kiddo. It's what we do."

Heroes stand between those with powr and the weaker...

...shields if you will...

"No...it's not safe here right now." she admitted. As much as she truly loves this place...

[withamagicword]

His eyes flicker. Then a small smile comes on his face.

"You are always welcome on the Rock. No Door shall ever be barred to you there, and it is shielded, from everything."

His smile is ironic. The shields ont eh rock are against just about every kind of intrusion imaginable from godhead, to telepathy, to magic, to science...

[futures_of_ash]

"Will you be alright there without your powers for a little while?" she asked in concern, eyes flickering with deep, lightning laced flame.

Forgot to check that resevoir didn't he?

"I don't know a safer place for you...but...will you?"

[withamagicword]

He shivers and stares at her, then reaches for his magic, for the lightning, for anything and his eyes go wide as he feels nothing.

He swallows.

"Ah... what happened?"

His voice is thick with shock.

[futures_of_ash]

She sighed and sat down, leaning against the barrier and eyeing her own hands "It was rooted and feeding on your powers...I...It dragged them along when It left."

Hatred, spite, malice...

"You're not burned out, just empty for now. That will heal too"

[withamagicword]

He nods, gulps and nods.

"Thank you."

He spreads a hand against he wall again.

"I know it couldnt have been easy for you."

He sighs.

"The Rock should be safe. It is protected six ways from Sunday there."

[futures_of_ash]

"I fixed what I could. The burn marks outside are already fading fast" she admitted.

She'll live.

She always does.

And it's her brothers that tend to drag her screaming through the rougher bits.

"It's safe, good...but you'll be alright? You don't need to fly there? Like to get groceries or anything? Or lift heavy stuff?"

[withamagicword]

That is what family is for.

He blinks, but shakes his head.

"One of the things I did when I took over is put in a fully functional kitchen which restocks itself. The whole place is climate controlled... and while walking everywhere will be tiring, maybe that means I will grow some more muscles?"

His smile is a little wan as he tries to just see the good side of things.

[futures_of_ash]

"Well, you're set then I guess" she sighed, staring off into the distance for a bit.

"Promise me you will get better Billy. Right now." something to hold him, bind him...when the nights seem too dark at the Rock.

He has to heal...so she can give his memories back.

[withamagicword]

He looks at her.

"I could always use some company."

His voice is quiet. As she says the rest of it, he sighs.

"I will. I cant believe I hurt them, even now... that I might have... I will get better."

[futures_of_ash]

"I may not be the best choice Billy. Truthfully." she admitted, letting her head hang, hair pooling down her arms to the floor.

Like blood...

"You'll remember why later...but if you insist. I'll come."

[withamagicword]

He blinks, confused, afraid a little.

"What are you talking about?"

[futures_of_ash]

"What do you remember about what happened Billy?"

She knows what he remembers.

And she won't hide behind the good sister facade when she's done something so terrible.

[withamagicword]

He shakes his head, watching her, confused.

"Just vague shadows, nothing real, nothing substantial. I didnt even know I had attacked someone or who it was until Jack Bauer told me..."

His voice cracks and he convulses, every muscle going tight for a moment as he fights back the screams again.

"It doesnt seem real, any of it, in my mind."

He watches her and tries to figure out what she means.

"What's wrong, Rachel?"

[futures_of_ash]

She can give strength to help sooth the convulsions, and she does, without question or limit. Warm and thick as heated honey.

"The reality of it all would have seen you dead within hours, Billy"

[withamagicword]

The warmth fills him and he shivers, watching her still. At her words, he blinks... and stares at her. The reality of it...

He swallows against a suddenly uncooperating throat.

"What are you saying?"

[futures_of_ash]

"I couldn't let you kill yourself Billy. I'm sorry."

She's a telepath. One of the strongest out there. She's gentle and caring and trustworthy...

And selfish enough to do this to him.

[withamagicword]

"What did you do?"

His voice is qwuiet, strained as he watches her. He forces himself not to panic, not to give in to fear. Never again...

He swallows and presses a hand against the glass opposite her again.

[futures_of_ash]

"Took the reality Billy. All of it."

She hasn't looked up from the floor, hasn't raised her hands to mirror his, no.

"I'll give them back when they won't kill you"

[withamagicword]

He cant help the shudder that runs through him.

"What is so terrible, so much more than what I know now?"

He shudders, then forces himself to think. Think!

It takes a long time, or so it seems, but he finally raises his head, and swallowing slowly, he nods.

"I trust you."

He is afraid, a little hurt, but... it is true, and it shimmers and solidifies in his mind. He cannot and will not give her up. She is the only bright point in his life, in his mind and he will not let go. He will not!

"I wont... I trust you. You wouldnt have... hurt me. You would only act if you believed it neccessary."

He is shuddering in reaction, but his conviction is there, even if he still feels the shock.

He places that hand on the cell wall again, and speaks.

"Rachel... look at me please."

And he fills his eyes with his belief, his love.

[futures_of_ash]

"Rage, Hatred, sheer willingness to kill, yourself or no...it's always so very terrible the first time. It breaks the young. It breaks the old. It breaks everyone."

She doesn't look up though, doesn't turn. He'd see the lingering traces of the Hatred in her eyes, the echoes, his power, Dark fueled...

"I'm sorry"

[withamagicword]

"Rachel... I believe in you."

He presses that hand against the cellwall.

"Please, look at me. I forgive you."

[futures_of_ash]

"Heal, Billy. Find your feet again and what peace you can...then I'll give them back and you can think about forgiving me"

She did glance at him though, a nightmare he doesn't want to see flickering in black, twisted lightning, then there's flame. Deep, soothing, hypnotic flame.

She'd hold that nightmare of his safe for eternity, should he ask.

[withamagicword]

He shivers at that but he also nods and presses that hand against the cells.

"You are my sister. I believe in you."

He sighs.

"Life is becoming more interesting by the day."

He just rests against the cellwall.

"Will you stay for awhile?"

[futures_of_ash]

"It has to be interesting to keep up with the likes of us" she sighed. "Else reality feels silly for creating us"

The cell wall is warm near Rachel, and flickering. One can almost hear the crackle of distant flames. Soothing, a hearthfire to warm ones'self by at night. A bonfire on shore to call to the weary seaman...

"As long as I can stand" she promised.

[withamagicword]

He nods.

"As soon as I am out, I have a present for you. Something I made before... everything."

he smiles faintly.

"For now... I just want to rest."

He settles against the floor by the wall.

[futures_of_ash]

"It better not be named Brian" she muttered, flicking another glance at him.

Teke dragged his blanket over him and smoothed his hair gently "Rest kiddo"

[withamagicword]

He almost laughs.

"No Brians involved."

he smiles at her and closes his eyes. He trusts her.

[futures_of_ash]

Like all her brothers...he's possibly a fool.

But she'll stay.