A Hero Growing Up

In his room, Billy sits, finishing packing all of his stuff. He is headed out soon, within a day or so, and wants to be ready, wants to be sure.

Everything is packed and ready to go. There isnt really much. Clothes, a laptop, a few books. That is it, that is all that shows he was here at all.

He sighs and sits down, and nods.

Soon he needs to head downstairs and set the final steps in motion. Then he can leave.

And the desire to do so burns in him, and he is so very ready to leave this place.

He smiles for a moment and thinks of Rachel. He will need to talk to her too, and make sure she is okay. That is part of his responsibility, part of who he is and part of the him he is holding on to as tight as possible, so as to not fall into the abyss that seems to get stronger and larger every day...

He sits, not looking at anything, not thinking of anything.

He sits, and tries not to breath in her scent, and see where she has been, to feel the touch of her aura.

Billy sits in his room and sighs, knowing no rest will come for him now. He is tired and the day only seems to go on and on before him.


(ooc: The threads go as follows: Molly, then Rachel, then Stephanie.)

Sometime later, he rose and moved to the window and jerked it open.

He needed air.

He needed to fly.

He screamed the name.

"SHAZAM!"

And then he was flying, high and away.

Even as he did so, inside him, a struggle was going on. Wisdom of Solomon against heartbreak and sorrow and too much darkness. His mind was chaotic as he soared higher and higher up, and over the lake. He struggled, even as he cried, his heart broken and his mind reeling.

The conflict activated a defense mechanism. Inside him, deep, he had planted the codes to, if he ever became dangerous, or unbalanced, deny him the powers of Captain Marvel. And when the conflict and chaos in his mind reached the near deadly point, when he paused in mid-air and threw up again, over the lake, blood and nothing else... then it activated... and suddenly, two-hundred feet up, Billy Batson was standing in mid-air...

...and then he was falling. His senses reeling, his mind completely chaotic, his heart hammering, he fell, and then he plunged into the lake. His impact sounded like a hammer against concrete and he felt things break, pain shooting into him further.

And he sank, into the waters, deep and dark...

...somewhere inside him, something was screaming. somewhere inside him, something was telling him he had to rise, had to try, had to fight. But he was tired of fighting, and tired of trying, tired of being the better man, tired of being a good guy and losing everything, over and over.

He despaired and sank further.

That small part of him, the one that wanted to live, the one that believed still, flung pictures at him; his friends, Sara and Hank. His sister, Rachel and blood-sister, Mary. His cousin Freddy, and others who cared, and he screamed again, in denial, and the darkness boiled around him. and the water sucked him down...

And somewhere inside him, at the base of him, at the deepest lowest point, one small part of him said, simply... no.

I will not die...

I will not fall...

I will not let myself end this way...

...and suddenly, Billy's eyes open, even as he settled to the bottom of the lake. And with the breath inside him, the little left, he spoke a word, his hands waving in a small line and a symbol.

On the surface, all was quiet, even the bubbles had stopped... and then they started again and the area where he had hit seemed to roil and bubble and boil... and out of the water, Billy Batson rose.

With a limp, he slowly walked across the surface of the water to the shore and collapsed there. He looked a mess, his clothing torn and battered, his whole body soaked, his face smeared with blood and looking like something a cat had dragged in.

It was a long time before he stopped shuddering, stopped moaning. But he slowly pried himself up, and rose and began to stagger towards the Bar, slow movements, limping, but moving...

After this:

One Day to One week Post-Break-Up

He cries all night. The next day hangs gloomy and dark and he staggers about, barely managing to get anything done. His eyes are red-rimmed and nearly swollen shut from crying, but every time he thinks about her, somehow, he has more tears to shed. His world narrows to keeping time, time since the Break-Up, which seems to have changed everything.

Days pass, slowly. No one comes to the Rock for awhile. And the chaos outside seems to roil especially badly. He doesn't eat much, with an appetite that had already been declining gone all to pot now.

In his mind and heart, he finds only sorrow, no reason to do anything, or move, or think. No reason for anything at all. He goers through the motions and moves about his duties, concentrating exactly as hard as he has to, in order to do his job, and then collapsing again, to either cry, or stare helplessly into the night, or at the ceiling, or out into the chaos from the terrace.

Sometimes he ponders just falling over that edge, but he knows he cant do that. If he leaves the Rock, it will explode, and release it's terrors, it's pains, it's darknesses. And so he never does. He walks, he works, and he lives.

But the boy he was? Is gone.

***

One week to Three weeks Post-Break-Up

They say time heals all wounds, and Billy figures it will some day, heal some of this pain. But Stephanie was the first woman he truly loved, the first woman he cared about enough to reveal his secret to for that reason, and the first woman he ever had sex with... He had hoped that maybe... somehow, someday, they could even take the next step.

Apparently he hadn't been good enough, hadn't been what she wanted at all.

It's better this way.

He keeps saying it over and over, but it doesn't work really well.

It is better this way that she is free to do as she wants and not saddled with me. She'll be better off... she'll have a chance to be happy. That is all that matters.

And slowly, he regains his footing. Slowly, he learns how to deal with this pain. Slowly, he begins to accept things will be better.

He doesn't stop crying and thinking about her face, but he starts to deal, slowly.

***

Four Weeks Post-Break-Up

He has friends at Milliways, ones he should at least see again, even if it is the last time. Even if he cant even think about the Bar without thinking about Her and that just starts the crying again.

But he makes his plans and he slowly gets himself together. He has gained height in the nearly two months since he was last at Milliways. He has gained height and lost weight at the same time. He isn't gaunt, but he is very close, very thin, and it shows most, in his face and eyes. Dark pillows seem to live there now. But he keeps getting ready, concealing his weight loss with baggier clothes, actually using a form of make-up to partially conceal his lighter build. He gathers a few things together, and does what he has to do.

And finally... he thinks he is ready.

He isn't sure,. but there is no point in delaying. He will go back, at least one more time.

He will return to Milliways.

People call on him now, and tell him things. The Phantom Stranger, of all beings, comes to him... Him! To talk things out. Billy feels a fraud in front of this amazing being who gives so much.

It is odd, to Billy, that so many see him as some hope, some great power and source of wisdom. He is the Wizard now, though, and as if he was never anything else, people come to him and tell him things, good things, bad things, horrible things, mystical things, mundane things. The people are never mundane, always powerful, but... it is still very odd.

He is just Billy Batson, and yet, he is this other person too... and sometimes he feels like a fraud to more than just the Phantom Stranger.

Well, a lot of the time.

But... people still come and tell him things.

They look at him and think him great and wise and powerful.

They look at him and think him something more than he is.

And ... sometimes, he despairs of ever being worthy of all this.

He isn't wise, or smart, or experienced enough for half of what he knows, and half of what he is told is so new, so amazing...he doesn't know what to say. He murmurs some obscure saying and they seem to accept it and he just sighs.

It is very odd.

There are losses along the way. Heroes die, civilians die, Gods die. Friends.... die.

Billy tries not to let the losses weigh on him too much, but he knows they do. He is used to loss, used to pain, and tears, and funerals. He is used to it and oh, how he hates it!

But there are losses as the weeks pass on Earth and more time, still, passes on the Rock. Something of perhaps trivial nature also happens, that he doesn't pay attention to; He loses weight. He has never been fat, but he had gained muscle and size as he grew and his magic had ensured he ate well

But now? He loses weight. He is less strong, less big, less... everything. He moves less sure, he acts less sure, and he is less sure... and he is not-quite gaunt.

He is eating, most of the time, when he remembers. But he is working constantly, and depressed, and thinking hard. And truthfully, his recent conversation with his sister just drove home how much he is alone most of the time. His blood sister almost never comes to see him now. And that just makes it all the worse.

So, he works, and eats, and moves and lives... and loses weight, faith, hope, maybe...

Three Weeks, Rock-Time, later...


Billy is in his bed, using the magic letting him just be Billy for a little while, when he decides to try to say hello again. It's been three long weeks of studying for him, and work around the Rock and a lot of busy such. But it has been busy as heck and not a lot of time to work on anything. But he has thought, and he has remembered, and he has hoped.

He settles into a trance and gets comfortable as his mind reaches out, slowly, towards Stephanie.

::Hello? Stephanie? Is this a good time to talk?::

Billy lays on his bed, angry, frustrated and without a clue what to do now.

He stands and paces, then flops and lays down, then stands and paces again.

Finally he shakes his head.

Maybe a flight will help clear his head. He speaks the magic word.

"Shazam."

And lightning crashes in and he changes. In the instant of his chance the idea comes. He speaks again.

"Shazam!"

And shifts back to Billy and lays down on his bed and reaches out with his mind.


::Steph? Can you hear me? Steph?::

Billy leads Steph into the Rock with an almost bouncy step, grinning as they arrive in the outer area. He pulls her in for a long hot kiss, then he steps back and whispers.

"Shazam."

And the lightning strikes and he is Captain Marvel again.

"Welcome back, Steph."