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withamagicwordAugust 28th, Early morning:
Sunshine wakens Billy, sending his body screaming at him. He finds himself curled into a tight ball with muscles yelling at him and brain logey.
He slowly, slowly uncurls as he looks around, then sags back as he remembers that Cassie went home last night.
The thought fulls him with a kind of black depression and he feels the tears surging up again and savagely smashes them down again. Damnit, he can do his own thing! He isn't dependent, He isn't!
He struggles to his feet and staggers to the bathroom, running a shower so hot it almost scalds him. And in the shower, he cries, letting out pain and fear and frustration and anger, and letting it all out. He feels it pour out of him and feels himself empty, like ... like... he doesn't know what like... so he stops thinking.
He finally emerges, feeling empty, and the place is quiet like a tomb, until, as he is walking toward his bureau, something sharp sinks into his toes.
He eeeps in a rather undignified manner, and goes down, only to find a bouncy Rena pouncing at him, now that he is all accessible.
He laughs, helplessly, startling the little cat, who races away.
She stares at him from a safe distance for awhile, looking reproachfully at him. When he stops laughing and crying, she slowly approaches and then pounces one of his hands, and he grins, petting her.
It is a few minutes later when he realizes what her presence means, and sits up so fast he startles her again, making her run off with an offended look.
He gets up and peers out of his bedroom, and feels something like being hit by a train, as he sees her, laying on the sofa. Tears hit him again and he dresses quickly.
She is there... he isn't alone.
Somehow, the day seems a lot brighter now.
Sunshine wakens Billy, sending his body screaming at him. He finds himself curled into a tight ball with muscles yelling at him and brain logey.
He slowly, slowly uncurls as he looks around, then sags back as he remembers that Cassie went home last night.
The thought fulls him with a kind of black depression and he feels the tears surging up again and savagely smashes them down again. Damnit, he can do his own thing! He isn't dependent, He isn't!
He struggles to his feet and staggers to the bathroom, running a shower so hot it almost scalds him. And in the shower, he cries, letting out pain and fear and frustration and anger, and letting it all out. He feels it pour out of him and feels himself empty, like ... like... he doesn't know what like... so he stops thinking.
He finally emerges, feeling empty, and the place is quiet like a tomb, until, as he is walking toward his bureau, something sharp sinks into his toes.
He eeeps in a rather undignified manner, and goes down, only to find a bouncy Rena pouncing at him, now that he is all accessible.
He laughs, helplessly, startling the little cat, who races away.
She stares at him from a safe distance for awhile, looking reproachfully at him. When he stops laughing and crying, she slowly approaches and then pounces one of his hands, and he grins, petting her.
It is a few minutes later when he realizes what her presence means, and sits up so fast he startles her again, making her run off with an offended look.
He gets up and peers out of his bedroom, and feels something like being hit by a train, as he sees her, laying on the sofa. Tears hit him again and he dresses quickly.
She is there... he isn't alone.
Somehow, the day seems a lot brighter now.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-02 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-02 10:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 01:31 am (UTC)She rolls over and up a bit, lays her head on his leg and snuggles in close.
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Date: 2006-09-03 02:53 pm (UTC)"Cassie? What's wrong?"
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Date: 2006-09-03 03:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:09 pm (UTC)"You mean your place, or...?"
Trying to understand... not sure he does.
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Date: 2006-09-03 03:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:19 pm (UTC)he snuggles in closer, thinking, and just holding her.
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Date: 2006-09-03 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:26 pm (UTC)"Tell me about it?"
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Date: 2006-09-03 03:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:38 pm (UTC)"It's okay... you are here now and you are not alone..."
He holds her and rocks a little and strokes her back.
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Date: 2006-09-03 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 03:53 pm (UTC)He has no clue what to say or do.
"What is wrong, Cassie? I... dont understand."
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Date: 2006-09-03 04:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 04:01 pm (UTC)"Why not? Everyone needs people. I mean, we can survive alone if we have to, but it is normal to want and need to be around others, especially when you love them."
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Date: 2006-09-03 04:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 04:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-03 04:39 pm (UTC)"I.. dont know what to say. I was taught that love fills you up. That it wasnt weak to be in love, or to need someone, and that it didnt make you less than you were. I didnt... I dont know what to say if that isnt what you want."
His heart feels like it is shattering inside him as he tries to not let any of that show. Even as his self feels hurt and torn and ready to fly apart at the seams.
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Date: 2006-09-03 05:12 pm (UTC)She looks up at him.
"I've never been happier, more content or felt more secure than I have since I've been with you. Never.
And people have noticed.
When I left last night (which had nothing to do with you), I felt like I'd left most of me here.
And I didn't realize..
I never even thought..
I mean..I've read of course but they exaggerate.."
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Date: 2006-09-03 05:41 pm (UTC)His confusion is written all over his face.
"I ... dont know what to say or do... I dont understand..."
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Date: 2006-09-03 06:01 pm (UTC)You don't..you don't have to do or say anything."
She doesn't mean to be confusing but she's confused herself.
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Date: 2006-09-03 06:03 pm (UTC)Yes, he isnt letting it go.
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Date: 2006-09-03 06:39 pm (UTC)"I guess..
I didn't expect to feel that way. I didn't expect going back to be a big deal and then it was because it was empty and I didn't expect that to bother me so much..and I didn't expect to miss you so much..or want you so much..
And I don't mean that's bad but..I didn't expect it..and I've been taught that women are self-suffiecient..and I realize this is different but it still threw me.."