OOM: Of Sunshine, and Darkness, and Love, and Other Small things...

[withamagicword]

August 28th, Early morning:

Sunshine wakens Billy, sending his body screaming at him. He finds himself curled into a tight ball with muscles yelling at him and brain logey.

He slowly, slowly uncurls as he looks around, then sags back as he remembers that Cassie went home last night.

The thought fulls him with a kind of black depression and he feels the tears surging up again and savagely smashes them down again. Damnit, he can do his own thing! He isn't dependent, He isn't!

He struggles to his feet and staggers to the bathroom, running a shower so hot it almost scalds him. And in the shower, he cries, letting out pain and fear and frustration and anger, and letting it all out. He feels it pour out of him and feels himself empty, like ... like... he doesn't know what like... so he stops thinking.

He finally emerges, feeling empty, and the place is quiet like a tomb, until, as he is walking toward his bureau, something sharp sinks into his toes.

He eeeps in a rather undignified manner, and goes down, only to find a bouncy Rena pouncing at him, now that he is all accessible.

He laughs, helplessly, startling the little cat, who races away.

She stares at him from a safe distance for awhile, looking reproachfully at him. When he stops laughing and crying, she slowly approaches and then pounces one of his hands, and he grins, petting her.

It is a few minutes later when he realizes what her presence means, and sits up so fast he startles her again, making her run off with an offended look.

He gets up and peers out of his bedroom, and feels something like being hit by a train, as he sees her, laying on the sofa. Tears hit him again and he dresses quickly.

She is there... he isn't alone.

Somehow, the day seems a lot brighter now.

Comments

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She puts her head down further and fiddles with her hands a little.

[withamagicword]

He ponders this.

"I.. dont know what to say. I was taught that love fills you up. That it wasnt weak to be in love, or to need someone, and that it didnt make you less than you were. I didnt... I dont know what to say if that isnt what you want."

His heart feels like it is shattering inside him as he tries to not let any of that show. Even as his self feels hurt and torn and ready to fly apart at the seams.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

"Not what I.."
She looks up at him.
"I've never been happier, more content or felt more secure than I have since I've been with you. Never.
And people have noticed.

When I left last night (which had nothing to do with you), I felt like I'd left most of me here.

And I didn't realize..

I never even thought..
I mean..I've read of course but they exaggerate.."

[withamagicword]

"I am confused... you make it sound almost as if it is a bad thing to be happy?"

His confusion is written all over his face.

"I ... dont know what to say or do... I dont understand..."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

"No, it's not bad to be happy.. good to be happy.

You don't..you don't have to do or say anything."

She doesn't mean to be confusing but she's confused herself.

[withamagicword]

"I just want to understand... why are you unhappy?"

Yes, he isnt letting it go.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She stares off into space for a minute.

"I guess..
I didn't expect to feel that way. I didn't expect going back to be a big deal and then it was because it was empty and I didn't expect that to bother me so much..and I didn't expect to miss you so much..or want you so much..

And I don't mean that's bad but..I didn't expect it..and I've been taught that women are self-suffiecient..and I realize this is different but it still threw me.."

[withamagicword]

He nods, slowly.

"I dont know that it will help, but I think you are one of the strongest women I know..."

He hugs her.

"And that has nothing to do with me."

And he smiles.

"And I missed you every minute you were gone."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

Her voice gets a dash of happy hopeful in it.

[withamagicword]

"No one ever feels strong all the time... I am afraid a lot of the time, and worried, and not sure of myself."

Then he smiles a little.

"Yeah, I did. I always miss you. You make me feel more intensely, more strongly. And even though I know it can be dangerious to feel so strong, so fast, I dont care. I love you."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

"I love you - I do.

..And I'm really sorry for all of this."

[withamagicword]

"It's okay, Cassie. I love knowing how you think. Not so fond of you feeling bad or sad, or alone. But You can always talk to me, whatever you feel, and I will try to understand, or just be here and hold you, either way."

He hugs her close.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She hugs him back, closes her eyes and snuggles in close to him.

[withamagicword]

He holds her tight, breathing her in and smiling as he closes his eyes, a tightness in his chest easing.

"I don't know any other way to be. I;m just me."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She exhales slowly, the frantic upset she'd worked herself into dissipating.

"And you're wonderful.."

[withamagicword]

He blushes, alot.

"I'm just me. And Me love you."

He grins at her and presses a gentle quick kiss on her lips, then hugs her close.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

"Me love you too.

Love you So Much."

She lays her cheek on his shoulder, snuggles into his neck and breathes in his scent.
She feels like she is losing and gaining her heart all at once - but she doesn't care. Just as long as it's with him.

[withamagicword]

He smiles, holding her close. His heart has been lost for awhile now and he isnt sad about it. Of course, he could do with a few less heart attacks, but he can live with it, as long as it is with her.

"I'm glad you came here, but next time, you can wake me up, adn we can talk... no need for you to feel bad or alone ever."

He kisses her again and holds her close.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

"But you need sleep..and I don't want to bother you.."

[withamagicword]

he bops her head with his.

"Cassie, when you are in a relationship, you share these thigns... I dont want to sleep when you are hurting. I would rather be awake and with you. No matter what. Nothing is more important."

he kisses her again and pokes her gently.

"A couple tries to work together, as much as they can. Sure, you have things you do alone, and I do too, but when we can work together, we do, so we share out hurts, and happies, and our okays even..."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She smiles quietly and nods.

"I want to share with you..
Be with you.."

[withamagicword]

He smiles and snuggles.

"Me too, you, Cassie. Me too, you."

He kisses her again.

"Plus your kisses are to die for."

he grins.

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She laughs.

"But I don't want you to die."

[withamagicword]

He rolls his eyes.

"Then I guess you better not withhold them, so I dont have to..."

[janetsdaughter.livejournal.com]

She giggles, puts her hand on his cheek and kisses him long.